Worst subject in high school 

After  service on sunday, I got home and successfully downloaded all the rice and stew Sundays usually brought.  when I filled  the voluminous  vacuum in my stomach,  I channeled my energy into looking through some old properties  I bounded together long ago and cast into the outer darkness of my wardrobe basement  where rats and roaches  now inter married, giving birth to lizards. It included notes from high school, diaries, even some yeye love letters with chicken handwriting.  As I scrutinized, the memories were pleasurable  until I came across my physics test note. I kept hitting my hand on my chest saying ‘peace, don’t have  cardiac arrest, don’t!  don’t! You can’t die! Breathe baby breathe!. 
 I needed  to get rid of it before spiritual voices would start asking me to calculate the velocity of my pubic hair, leaving  my answer in  centimeter square. I didn’t want voices telling me to use ohms law to calculate the effect of heat in  Harmattan season, if the slope of wind in motion is held by the  law of gravity. -something that is not even my  business.

 In a bid to get rid of the note, i thought of  presenting it as a Christmas gift to the woman that sold Akara at my b/stop as she could use it to wrap her balls of Akara. I was Enroute to meet her, when an inner voice questioned. ‘peace are you really that forgiving?,  I mean, after all physics  put you through? don’t you think  you should  fly  to the nearest Bush, poop all over  then use your physics test note to wipe ur ass? what could be better than that peace? Think baby think’. I thought about it and yes! nothing could be more fulfilling. I am down for the poop, all I need right now is a bush. feel free to recommend any Bush closest to you.

Come SS1,  the only thing I was confident about during physics class was my pointed nose.   I was the wrongest person to borrow physics  note from. Truth is, no one borrowed my physics note except new students and they stopped  when they realized how my slopes were not of this earth. Oh lord! During physics classes, all I ever thought of were the  doughnuts and ice creams they sold at our tuck shop. I would be sitting in class, hoping and praying that  those students who had sharks in their stomachs won’t finish the whole thing before I finally laid hands on the rounded  and cold piece of satisfaction.

On times  I already bought the  doughnut before physics class, I would hide it inside my desk, taking it pinch by pinch to avoid suspicion. while the doughnuts went down my throat, I would be thinking of other important issues like which poultry we would buy our next Christmas chicken  and the reason the ‘ay’ in  ‘okay’ seems useless. It was never in my nature to pay attention in physics class so when I was  taking my time musing on other vital issues and a particular class mate of mine disturbed my fantasy  with his ceaseless questions and answers on momentum and electricity,  I got angry and murmured. 

why is this one just asking & answering anyhow’? 

Does he think he is  more intelligent than me?

 ‘Just thank god for this doughnut that is calming me down  if  not,  I would have picked you  by the hair and dumped you  in onitsha river so you spend the rest of your life, explaining Charles law to the marmi waters inside there you idiot! ‘. 

One time I slept off and was woken by a hit  on my forehead.  I opened my eyes to see the full class starring at me, laughing. 

peace! see how you opened your mouth waaaa like toll gate . Oya come and solve this’.  -my physics teacher said. 

At that point, i stood up like Alice In wonderland but the only reason I was walking boldly to the board was to tell my physics teacher that in my family, we don’t solve problems we didn’t create. After I said that, my silly class mates burst into thunderous laughter not knowing in my mind, I had written the names of the few of them that  would taste my wedding jollof . 

I am however proud to announce  that there was a time I decided to put doughnuts aside to focus solely on  physics and throughout my learning process,  I refused making my hair because  my physics teacher usually teased that the reason I didn’t know physics was because I  plaited my brain along with my hair.

My decision to become a physicist  was to impress a new male student I had envisioned marrying. The guy was really cute and I knew If I didn’t act fast, the so-called library girls would win him over with their Omini knowest attitude. One Friday,  I bore my heart out to one of my classmates and he promised  to be my lesson teacher. He said he would teach me during breaks in exchange for 100 Naira doughnuts. I agreed. I was optimistic it would end in praise.

 Because of the love I had for that young man, I forfeited my break periods. My lessons began that Friday and the first thing my lesson teacher taught me was to always raise my hands to questions even if I didn’t know the answers.  Fast forward to  Monday, I raised my hands to all the questions my physics teacher threw but was more thankful that  the deeper life woman didn’t call me. From the way everyone looked at me, I could tell they were shocked. I was shocked too. I didn’t know I was that intelligent. My intelligence continued for the rest of the week though I wasn’t called to answer any question. One day,  I walked to my Romeo and told him I  noticed he barely raised his hand to answer questions in class. I told him I was very intelligent and physics was my best subject. I told him if he didn’t mind, I could teach him for free. He smiled, I blushed -Titanic the remake! 

The next Monday, I had my calculator, projector, math set, marker all placed on my desk  with my physics text book clasped in my chest. My physics teacher walked in and was impressed at the sight of my desk. She wrote a question on the board but before she could land a full stop, my two hands were in the air. Brothers and sisters!  I was finally called. The call was synonymous to the  call of Samuel. A resounding call. I thought I was dreaming but my seat partner kept nudging ‘peace go, you have finally been called, go’!  You should have seen my face as I stood up with nothing in my head but doughnuts.  I kept laughing like a hyena while I signaled my physics lesson teacher to solve it for me. He solved it and threw the chip to me. I grabbed it like it was my portion in the land of the living and confidently walked round the class, adjusting my invisible collar.  I walked to that my Romeo and whispered to his ears ‘you’l marry me after this‘. I looked at my physics teacher in the eyes and told her not to worry as I have come to solve all her life  problems. I brought out my marker and started to draw what I thought was a slop.  I wrote figures, solved, solved, filled the board, Cleaned it up and continued solving. 

peace where did you get these figures from and which formula are you using ‘?

I told her I invented the formula. She kept quiet and after I had written my final answer, the whole class burst to laughter as usual. 

I took a minute to look at the question on the board only to realise the figures I used in solving the question weren’t in the question in the first place. 

How would I have known that my yeye lesson teacher was as stupid as a local he-goat and the slope he made me draw looked more like a football pitch with Messi and Ronaldo at opposite ends. The guy was using me to realize his football dreams,little did  I know.  

With the shame of a thousand generations, I ran from the class to buy enough doughnuts to calm my pride.  I took the next 6minutes to think about my life.  Will my Romeo Still love me? What was more hurting was the mansion I could have built with all the 100naira  I had wasted on  that   flat headed lesson teacher of mine. I didn’t know how to forgive myself. 

Anyway, I give God all the thanks regardless because Romeo stopped talking to me after that incident. I was going to break more rocks for him to see I loved him unconditionally when I gathered from a reliable source that during a career discussion they had in class,  my Romeo was asked what he wanted to become in future and he proudly replied ‘Fuji musician’.  ‘How could you Romeo?  You want to make me believe i did all I did to  impress a Fuji musician? No wonder you never raised your hands to answer any question because physically you were in class but spiritually, you were on stage with Pasuma. Romeo, God will not forgive you’. 

I eventually went back to being myself -the doughnut woman. I didn’t see the point in learning a course that didnt want to be learnt. All my efforts to learn physics  proved abortive which was just to show that all fingers are not equal. In case you wondering  how i  managed to pass my Waec, Neco and the likes, the truth is majority of these brainy student are broke. They usually need people to buy them doughnuts and pure water  and that is where I came in. Yes!  the theory of trade by barter was well practised amongst us at a young age. You show me your book, and I buy you doughnuts. So far, the theory of trade by barter  has been proven  to be the most pricesly tested theory in the history of high school kids in the whole of Nigeria. 

I know I am not the only one that  followed this theory neither am I the only one who had a worst subject in high school..so guys what was your worst subject in high school? I want to know! 

…………….Merry Christmas and happy New Year in advance…… ❤❤

46 Replies to “Worst subject in high school ”

  1. This is hilarious!😂😂.
    The subject I hated was mathematics and the girl who sat beside me for waec did nothing to help….ordinary formula she’ll say “remember when the man was teaching one Friday like that” she’ll tell you even the cloth the teacher wore to help you remember but never the answer😏.
    I wrote waec again and it’s all her fault *I have no shame* but i rewrote it and got a B! *prideful nod*…I love maths now, I guess I was just scared of the idea of “almighty mathematics” more than the subject itself.

  2. Lol, I had a worst subject too but only because of the man teaching the subject. I would have loved maths if my math’s teacher’s face wasn’t that scary, and he was wicket (worse than wickedness) too. But to God be the Glory “mun ja layi yanzu” no more maths problem.

  3. Hahahahahahahah!
    This Peace will not kill me!

    Funny how you still like doughnuts😂
    It saved your ass!

    I had no worst subject moments in school tho,
    Trying ro rack my head and figure which subject i really hated, but none😩

    I want go back😒 uhhhmmmm, not exactly😂

    I have a bush for you tho😂
    Somewhere close to Tokpa😂

    Thank you for making ne laugh jare!
    Work wan kee me b4 until i decided to check your blog.

    1. Lool…. This gal
      Intelligent human being
      It’s your type I used to give doughnuts…..
      @tokpa I knew u’d mention there..marmi water o. They are looking for u in onitsha river

      1. Hahahahahahahahahaha

        You know what they called Efiko?
        They dont even accept 1million😂

        God saved me!
        I had a worst subject in Uni tho😂😂
        You know better😂

        I would gift a carton of doughnut to pass😂

        Tokpa misses you😂

  4. Hahahaha once again you’ve made me laugh so hard, I think the neighbours might issue a complaint! Thanks for that! I’d say my worst subject was Math..algebra in particular! I don’t think there’s any hope for me to ever get it! Lol!

    1. 😂..i didn’t like math too.. there’s another math called further math. The first day I took that course, I fell sick for 2weeks. My best subject was food and nutrition. Food food food!

  5. Lol…Well never liked further maths…but thank God that’s over..haha…dis just got me ryt out of d mood swing..brilliant write up..

  6. 😂😂 hilarious as ever, you dnt disappoint, well for me it was Technical drawing “TD” it was free period for me disliked d teacher hehheheheheh Evil man flog ur back and neck if u dnt get d lines well, so didn’t sit for it in WAEC sef 😊 would av messed up my result big time😒

  7. hates so many subjects, in fact the only subjects i think i loved was chemistry and biology. you see the rest ehn na gibberish oo. ahhh i just remembered how we were chased out of yourba class too because of unseriousness

    1. Hahaha.. In our own case, we chased our phonetics and French teacher… We told dem we were not interested.. I liked biology too..it was my second best subject after food and nutrition.
      Thanks for visiting!

  8. loooooooooooool….laughing with spiritual powers…I hated school in school….it was as if they were using my sense to play Naijabet with 0.8% odd…not until I met Christ by the…
    nice write up peace..
    ur blog always does it for me…chi chi…u are sited my love

  9. I’ve finished reading.
    And I laughed like a hyena even tho I’m at the bank. I’m so ashamed right now 😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  10. Lol…I guess I was the type of student that already knew science courses would be better for me compared to the Art courses so I just maintained my lane…
    Beautiful piece dearie…
    The good thing about your write ups is that we can easily relate with it..
    Kudos once again..

  11. Lol. I just opened my mouth like tollgate reading and laughing. Never had any worst subject, just had my worst teacher and it made me hate his subject. Still the same physics teacher. You wee nu kee me. U tot of using your rat infested old physics note to wipe your ass . Your laser fever for start from your nyash.

  12. This is hilarious 😂😂😂 but why will ‘Romeo’ want to be a Fuji musician of all things to be. I hated mathematics, I still do. but thanks to my friends who helped me pass my waec…although I would bring fried plantain and egg in exchange and for some I will teach them literature and government in exchange.

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