Disclaimer: This is not the best attempt at writing a review but leggo!
Fellow blogger turned friend, Bella who blogs at Bellausen.wordpress.com recently started her own home cooked food delivery service. She blogged about it here, and following my comment in the comment section, she offered me the honour of tasting a meal from her list of delicacies!
She asked what I wanted her to make for me and I simply said fried rice. Truth is, I would have asked for pounded yam and ofe owerri (owerri soup) with chinese okporoko & indian kpomo but then again, I am a very considerate person right?
We talked about it that day on her post and stopped talking about it until weeks ago when she reached out to me asking that i mailed her so we could talk about a convenient delivery medium for my fried rice. I didn’t know any dispatch rider personally, so i surfed the net and discovered deliveryman.ng around yaba. I told her about them & She said she would look them up.
Dear Bella, i know i didn’t tell you this but in all honesty, I so wanted to come pick up that food by myself bcos it’s really hard trusting these delivery people & the last story i want to hear this ember month is the story of a delivery man who was on his way to deliver fried rice to one peace of Cliquetalk but got stuck in Lagos traffic for 2hrs and became hungry. Then, a voice from the east told him ‘oh you man of little memory,have you forgotten you are carrying fried rice? Won’t you eat it before you die here?’, following that voice, Boniface the delivery man thought it was Angel Michael so he opened his delivery box, took out my fried rice & consumed to the glory of Angel Michael! Later, his company people would call me to their office to tell me how a voice from the east asked Boniface to eat my rice and how I should forgive him bcos to err is to human and to forgive Is divine. Maybe forgiveness is divine to them but the only thing that’d be divine to me is when a thunder from the East collaborates with another thunder from the West to strike Boniface to the Indian ocean. What nonsense!
It got to saturday, the delivery day, and as early as 6a.m, I switched my phone from it’s default silent mode to outdoor mode. Y’all using infinix phones like me already know that the outdoor mode is loud enough to rewake Lazarus from the dead. To me, Lazarus, Zacchaeus & even Nicodemus could go ahead and wake. I didn’t care! I chose to activate the outdoor mode bcos I didn’t want a situation where the delivery man would be calling but I wouldn’t hear, and then after about 30mins, i’d go to my phone to see 10missed calls. I’d call back, only to hear ‘Madam, i been dey call you to come collect your thing but e be like say you no dey too like fried rice so I come say make i help you chop am’.
The Devil is a liar!
I had waited until 1p.m that saturday yet no call from the delivery man. No fried rice. No anything. I hadn’t even taken my bath b/cos i was waiting on the delivery man to call. I couldn’t risk having any long distance relationship with my phone b/cos of how conniving & cunning the devil is. He might mislead me to enter the bathroom and just when im covered in foam, my phone would start ringing, and then After bathing, i’d call back & a man sounding like the delivery man would start the breaking news with ‘abeg ma no vex. I wait you sote, I….come …chop…am..’.
Lots of bizarre thoughts crossed my mind while waiting on that delivery man to land with my fried rice.
Did he carry my food to his house?
Did my food pour on his way here?
Did he mistakingly switch my fried rice with another person’s oil rice?
Should I check @instablognaija to see if I’d see a story of ‘ hungry delivery man caught eating fried rice in Lagos traffic’?
Is this delay turning to denial?
Dear lord, I inisist on waiting on you!
After I read some Bible verses, my endurance hardened. I took my bath, dressed like i was going out and then laid back on my bed humming to this particular Christian song , ‘🎶Do not allow me…do not allow me.. do not allow me Jesus, to go empty handed🎶’.
After about 2 hours of being left empty handed, I took my mind off the fried rice & left vengance to God. Why was i even getting worked up over common fried rice? Peace, didn’t the bible tell you that man must not live by bread alone?
I told myself that if the delivery man ever called, i’d blatantly tell him to go to hell & burn with the fried rice & chicken. I was still angrily chanting incantations to invite Amadioha to the situation when my phone blared. I picked up & heard ‘Good afternoon, I am at justrite, Pls come and pick up your package’. I simply replied with ‘okay sir, thank you so much sir. I’m on my way’. Brethren, i know y’all expected me to tell that man to go and burn in hell but then, where is your conscience? have y’all forgotten what the bible told us about forgiveness?
I got to the place, picked my fried rice, said thank you & bounced home. My nephew & nieces who were downstairs playing, saw me open the gate & ran towards me shouting, ‘Aunty is back. Aunty is back. Aunty did you buy something?’ They gathered me as usual hugging my thighs bcos that’s the farthest they could reach. I strategically raised the hand bearing my package far above their heads b4 one of them would start perceiving the chicken. My little nephew pointed at the sack, asked what was in it& I told him it was anointing.
Esther(my oldest niece): Ahh Aunty! So they use to buy anointing?
Me: yes they use to buy it but this one I bought is not for children you hear?
They ran back to play and I went upstairs to hide my anointing inside my wardrobe. The idea was to eat it when they must have gone to bed. After about 30mins, they came back upstairs. I was in the kitchen making dinner as at the time. I didn’t even know what was happening until I heard Esther shout, ‘everybody come and see Aunty’s anointing, ‘Aunty’s anointing is inside her wardrobe’. I sped off to their scene of operation to halt them from their mission of uncovering the true content of my anointing , but before i could say DONT! i heard, ‘Aunty’s anointing is fried rice’. These kids claiming to be my nieces and nephew opened my personal anointing😭😭
Subsequently, they started being extra nice to me’, ‘Aunty do you know you are a very beautiful Aunty?, Aunty should I sing jingle bell for you?, Anuty should I scratch your back for you? Aunty, I will be taking care of you when you get old’ – this particular one was coming from thesame Esther who couldn’t stand me when I had common mealses. I didn’t know how much longer they could put up with the sweet talks so I just asked them to bring their plates. Beggy beggy people😥
Now, Of all the things i loved about Bella’s culinary fried rice, what i loved most was the fact that the fried rice was well cooked & not half done! You see, never in the history of Mr.Biggs, Tantalizer, chicken republic, Iya basira & Mama Ada & sons canteen have I eaten any fried rice that is well cooked, soft & easy to swallow. I remember ordering fried rice at one restaurant years back but struggled to chew it. I couldn’t even swallow. I called on the cook to complain about the stone she served me and in her defense, ‘madam, fried rice no dey too done o’. She even asked me if it was my first time eating fried rice. Bella’s rice passed the test for me becos it wasn’t sticky. the grains were individual & the best part? it was done! Bella’s rice didn’t clog up my oesophagus & Bella’s rice was so tender, I didn’t have to be in labour to drop 1kg of poop the next day.
Again, Justbella culinary is all about the quality of your food. Do you agree with me that there are 2 types of ‘fried rice’ in Nigeria? The ones that are made with all the ingredients almost complete & the ones that are made with just curry and two dices of carrot miserably lying on top of the rice? Anyways, chefs like Bella make Fried rice and not curry rice. I didn’t have to use a microscope to see all the vegetables dotted all over the rice & the coleslaw. Chefs like Bella only make quality food . Chefs like Bella will not use 1 bulb of onion to cook 2 pots of stew and 1 soup. She gives every meal the ingredients they deserve. In fact, judging frm the way my nieces & nephew were laughing with every scoop, I deduced Bella also puts humour in her food. I don’t know where exactly she put the humour in that fried rice but i think it was in the chicken . Y’all need to find Bella!
Let me also add that Bella’s rice was the tastiest. This fact cannot be overexaggerated. You can see 4rm my featured image & also from the photo below that I didn’t even leave a single grain of rice for amadioha. Bella can sure win souls for Christ with her delectable meals. My nephew & nieces haven’t stopped attesting to this fact & neither will you.😋
After all was said and done, that 👆was the end result. And pls, i am not embarrased by how I barbarically cracked those bones bcos my grand mother who died in 1999 would never forgive me in her grave if I did not vandalize those bones properly.
There are 2 spoons there bcos I thought I could use the usual takeaway rubber spoon but that spoon could only carry 5 grains of rice per scoop. I am not that patient. I substituted it for our big iron spoon that could carry about 501grains per scoop on an average.
That teddybear was practically representing me in that photo. That was exactly how I landed to d floor after munching and grinding. The only difference btwn the teddybear and I was that the teddy still managed to maintain a flat tummy & didn’t have a toothpick hanging by the side of its mouth.
That note 4rm Bella hoping I’d enjoy the food is still sellotaped somewhere in the house. My niece asked the reason it’s still there & I told her it’s there for her to always remember how fried rice made her promise to take care of me when I get old so that when I’m 120years old & needing her to clean my poop, she wouldn’t say she never promised!
Justbella culinary services include:
Daily Breakfast and Lunch delivery: customers will have to follow social media pages or WhatsApp story to view updated menu for each day of the week, the menu changes weekly. Individuals at home or at work would place orders a day before and have it delivered to them. The price for a pack of meal is N1000 (lunch), while breakfast is N1500. The delivery fee will depend in customer’s location.
Soup and Food Bowls: This service is for bulk orders for soups, stews and food staples in 3.5 Litres (N9000) and 5 Litres (N11000)bowls. The Menu will be updated with more items as they see fit or based on request.
Catering to social and corporate events: This includes birthdays, bridal and baby showers, get togethers, house warming, graduation, dedication etc. Corporate events such as inductions, training sessions, club meetings, award ceremonies, promotions and office parties etc. Based on your budget and number of attendees justbella culinary discusses the menu and advises you accordingly.
Meal prep Private services to individuals and families who are too busy to cook. Justbella culinary takes the stress off by planning the menu based on your preferences and ensuring meals are stored in freezers or made available when & how you want it.
Because meals are freshly produced, Justbella culinary requires at least 24-48 hours notice & every meal is customisable to suit personal preference, health and taste.
You can connect with Justbella culinary on;
Facebook: Just Bella Culinary
Phone: +234 8065953707 or +234 7010897290.
To all the slay queens onhere, y’all better patronize Bella! Stop deceiving yourself by telling yourself you can cook bcos we know you cannot! I am saying this bcos I honestly do not want to sleep & wake up to your photo on instablognaija with caption ‘slay queen burns down boyfriend’s duplex in banana island while attempting to boil eggs!’
Happy new week FAM