Brother bald the sharp guy

Happy Sunday  everyone!. Regardless  you went to church or not, everyone deserves a Sunday blessing. I am from an Anglican family but my sister married a Catholic. Since I stay with her, the struggle was choosing between Anglican and Catholic every Sunday. This Sunday I chose to follow her to Catholic Church . One thing I like about the Catholic Church is their brief mass duration. I am not a fan of staying 10hrs in church. I begin to have weird imaginations when I overstay. When I was younger and the service got endless, I start to think of the pot of rice at home and if or not I would use coke, fanta or  water to digest it. I would look round to count those who were wearing  aba n’anya shoe. People  Who had repeated the clothes  they wore the previous Sunday. People Who did not give offerings  and those whose heads would want to fall from their necks, dozing during serious service. 

Today, we got to church by 9:30a.m for the 9-11a.m mass to see that the 7-9a.m mass hadn’t ended. Both inside and outside the church was full. There was no place to sit or take shelter from the sun. We had to stand in the open field.  I looked up to heaven and said  ‘dear lord if this mass exceeds the next 10mins, I will jejely dust my ass and dismiss  with these people that came for the 7-9a.m mass as  It wasn’t in my plan  to attend 1 and a half mass”.  Like I feared, the mass took about 45mins to end. I didn’t care about my Sis. I took my Bible to leave when they dismissed, then this brother dragged me back ‘sister where are you going, didn’t you come for the 9-11a.m mass?  Why don’t you allow the holy spirit to use you”?.  If not that people were looking at us, I would have swallowed his bald head. I quietly  closed my eyes in worship to debunk any speculation of me being an ogbanje (evil spirit) .

This brother bald located me where I sat and sat with me. He asked where I kept my bulletin, I told him that breeze blew it away. He said i shouldn’t lie that the holy spirit was watching us. I told him I didn’t buy b/cos I couldn’t afford it. 

  ”whaaat?? You didn’t get a bulletin? It is Just common 50naira” – he said on loud speaker mode. 

People turned to us. They were looking. I heard a thin voice from the back say  ‘mummy, see it’s that sister that didn’t want to attend mass. she didn’t also buy church bulletin”. 

”God have mercy”. – a thicker voice replied.

My eyes met with a woman who sat by my right and she quizzically rose her brows at me. I knew if she had holy water in her bag, she would have poured it on me.

That was how I became a suspect because of One  brother bald that simply couldn’t shut up. 

Catholic Churches don’t pray as much as Anglicans do. Their intercessory is mostly done in form of  songs. The priest would say something and congregation would chorus words. I didn’t know What they chorused so  I didn’t say anything.

The brother bald looked at me. He said it would be better if I stopped thinking about worldly things and concentrate on the holy spirit. ”open your mouth and talk. Your mouth is even big, it will reach heaven fast”.  -he said.  I hissed, looked at his bald head again and saw the reason for his frustration. 

After the priest was done and we sat down. The  brother bald started  ”why weren’t you saying anything? you didn’t respond to the offertory prayers?  Even glory to Jesus, honour to Mary you don’t know.  You think life is about having long nose and carrying big handbag. Girls of this generation  blah………………. blah…….. Blah.. ”

”I am Anglican”- I yelled in mega phone mode.  ”Oh sister, peace be with you. i didn’t know o, why didn’t you tell me since”? – he asked in a rather sweet voice. 

Everyone who thought I was an ogbanje started smiling with me. One woman was pointing at me, assuring her 3year old son that I was his wife. A twenty something year old woman like me. 

This brother bald became all nice and generous. He gave me his bulletin to glance through as a first timer who probably hasn’t seen a bulletin her entire life.

Him : if you are Anglican, what are you doing in a Catholic Church?

Me: My Sis married a Catholic 

Him: (laughs mumuly) that means you will marry a Catholic too

Me: (coughs hackingly)

Him: I didn’t mean to embarrass you earlier on. I was just trying to preach the ways of the holy spirit to you. You should allow the holy spirit to always  show you the way.

Me: hallelujah.

He said he had never attended an Anglican church in his life. He said I would be the reason he would convert.

Ehn? Will  you convert with your bald head? I asked his effigy in  my mind.

He asked me where my church was. He asked the colour of my church building. He asked which year my church was found. he asked the name of my vicar.  ‘How many times do you people give offering’?

Me: About 10times, are you scared?

Him: scared? The holy spirit will always show me the way. 

He asked me for my vicar’s phone number. He asked me for my church p. O box. I replied and he kept jotting them  down. After 5minutes of silence, he said ‘and you, what is your number’.. 

Me: My number?? I am not the Bishop of my church. 

Him: don’t you know  I need your number if I have to come to your church?. I mean I have not been there before. what if I wander off and get lost.

Me: brother b.  how can you get lost? You have forgotten that you shouldn’t do anything by your own power. Please just allow the holy spirit show you the way. 

I dusted my backside and left him to the holy spirit. 

26 Replies to “Brother bald the sharp guy”

  1. Lol… “I almost swallowed his bald head”…. That part got me laughing so hard I got a hiccup πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚…
    Nice one baby girl…

  2. it becomes very tiring to read a long article in this contemporary age…buh when it’s ur piece Nema, I get intrigued and cracked up…I can read an infinite scroll on immortality if u wrote it…good job baby

  3. They say seeing is believing, someone told me about your blog and write ups and i had to check it out myself and honestly you’re funny and gifted… Trust me that bald guy ain’t giving up yet, he’s coming for you…lol

  4. Why won’t you just relax and allow the holy spirit to use you? Remember that some 42youths were mauled by bears for calling Elisha ‘Bald’

    We don’t want anything scratching your pretty face now, do we?πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

  5. Too funny! The end was just brilliant. Lol the guy annoyed me with all his comments and gestures. I’m pentecostal but have been to Catholic church when I stay with my grandparents, such an interesting experience especially in the East. I like the way you tell stories!

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