I have found my calling 

Happy weekend everyone!!…. So yeah as it seems I have  inadvertently become a ‘weekend blogger’. Being a blogger is quite easy compared to being a consistent one. -it takes a special kind of grace. 
I have been indisposed for some time now which made me pause on writing and blogging but before I fell ill, I had battled with depression. I don’t know what else to call it if not depression. If you ask me the symptoms, I’d say I totally lost joy. I didn’t see any reason to be happy or even laugh. I’m alive, family is Alive, we all healthy, it’s Christmas and we had started negotiating which market to buy our christmas chicken  yet I wasn’t excited even at the mention of Christmas jollof rice. 

Before I slept the night the whole depressive log was on me, I texted my doctor friend who is also a bv (blog visitor). I confided in him and sought for possible solutions and the first thing he suggested was that I visit a psychiatric hospital. My people please help me ask him if I’m mad because me asking myself that question only means one thing.  I had to quickly convince him and myself that I wasn’t mad. 

His last response sounds exactly like what they tell mad people when they say they are not mad😖

Now this my doctor friend is not from the west. He is  not even half cast. He is a typical Nigerian who should know the implications of a sane person like me visiting a psychiatric hospital in Nigeria. The moment I step into that hospital, I will be bundled, wrapped, frogmarched and the next thing I will hear them say is ‘bring rope!  Tie her!  Where are the chains? how can a mad woman be roaming to and fro? hers is  a case of juvenile  madness and she will serve 10years in the psychiatric prison before she will be bailed’. Then, all my attempts to  tell them I’m not mad automatically translates to I am mad Bcos mad people will never admit they are mad. That is how they will be struggling with me like it’s a WWE SmackDown between Batista and undertaker and in the end,  a baby girl like me will be put behind psychiatric bars for 10years. No food, no water, no internet, no husband and even most importantly no madness! 

When I asked my doc friend  the reason he suggested the psychiatric hospital in the first place, he said it was because we don’t have many clinical psychologist in Nigeria.  But Is that so?

Now I’m tempted to ask, what happened to all those people who said they were studying psychology in school Biko?  Are you guys not done with school or are you on bed rest there? Or did you all graduate  to become bankers and lawyers?  Welcome to Nigeria where you apply to study medicine and surgery in a university but you will be offered medical laboratory then, after years of studying the relationship between medicines and laboratories, you will graduate to work in a bank, become a mechanic or even a mortuary attendant. 

Come to think of it, why would there be psychologists in Nigeria? Why would anyone want to study psychology in this country where people prefer to take all their affairs to God and babalawo with the latter getting more customers. You have headache,  you go to babalawo. You have STI, You go to church as if you remembered heaven when you were moaning down the city of Babylon. I remember a woman who brought her sick son to our church for us to pray for him to get well. One lady who sat closest to her asked her if she had taken him to the hospital and she said no, that she preferred God’s medicine and hospitals were too expensive but that same woman bought asoebi that day from a chorister who was getting married.  she should thank her God I wasn’t part of the intercessory committee that prayed for her son. I would have told her I had a vision from above and the only way her son would be healed was if she brought 20 tubers of yam, 1 bag of beans, 1carton of turkey and 50 thousand Naira. Let’s know if she would still prefer God’s medicine.

In Nigeria , Babalawos make more money than bankers, lawyers, even doctors because the demand for them is high. Someone who has psychological problems would take it to a babalawo. Someone whose kid was kidnapped would take the matter to a babalawo.  What happened to the police? Later someone will say babalawo is not a job. Who told you? It is a very good profession and a lucrative one at that.

Please I am of the opinion that babalawo-ism be added to the list of courses offered in  universities because apparently a babalawo is a doctor, lawyer, psychologist, police all packed in one. The good news reaching me now is that babalawos have started operating with computers, laptops,tabs. Hehe.. Amadioha is now tech-savvy, how wonderful it that? You can now connect with him via Bluetooth. That same doctor friend of mine told me of a time his friend’s car was stolen and they went to a babalawo to confirm where the car was. They got there and the supposed babalawo told them consultation fee was 50 thousand Naira after which he brought out his PC, tweeted Amadioha and told them where to find the car. Behold they went to the location and found it. -hallelujah!

Anyway, the reason I’m taking time to say all these is because I think I want to become a babalawo. No body should ask me anything. All I need now is your incantation and support but before  I become a babalawo, I would like to serve you all better on this blog. A friend and bv suggested I add other categories to the blog aside my comic journal and I think its about time. I plan to include thought-provoking articles, poems from time to time. I will also try to slow it down so we don’t choke along the line. I don’t want it to be a case of starting something I cannot finish. And like I said in my introduction, cliquetalk is open to everyone. If you have articles, poems, stories you’d like to share, email me at Cliquetalkblog@gmail.com.  if on the other hand you want me to recruit you as a worker in my  peace and sons babalawo limited, send your Cv to thesame email address. In your cover letter, tell me your abilities. Can you fly at night? If yes how fast can you fly. This offer is only open to people with 5years flying experience.

Thank you! 

44 Replies to “I have found my calling ”

  1. Yes, by all means, become a babalawo, sock away your bundle, then go do what you want with your life. If I go to Nigeria, one day, and need a babalawo, I will know to whom I must turn!

  2. Peace, if you need Babalawo in your life, you have my email addy already. Referring to the fact that you know my years of experience moreso, you need my expertise.

    You know what to do my friend.

    Amadioha became tech savvy d moment graduates got into d business. You knw better nau, as you are one of them by law👶
    Please stop telling everybody this secret before people like us run out of business.

    Too many pastors already so, Babalowos sjould be directly proportional.
    But before then, i have upgraded to day/night Amadioha (Ama hoit) for short, hope you can afford my services, issa world class suntin👌

    Thank God you discovered your calling finally.
    I need not consult the oracle for you again.
    I will wave consultation money for you then, just pay for maintenance 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  3. You need some one with 5years night flying experience lol. What about someone that has been flying in the dream for the past ten years. Can that person apply too. Cos I used to in my dream😱😱😱😱😱

  4. I’m still laughing hard here, this is a wonderful piece. Anyone thinking of being mad will definitely have a re-think after reading this.
    Babalawos have been trending since yahoo yahoo boys aka G-men started their shady business, it’s now a profession so tey amadioha and sango have not been left behind in the “analogue age”, dem don join Twitter sef.
    My dear, you’re such a smooth writer.. by the way, when application wan start?

  5. Lol….another beautifully scripted piece…
    It’s unfortunate that Nigerian’s mentality about psychiatrist is still low but we will get there someday..
    Keep it up dear.

  6. “…and even most importantly no madness!” I’m still laughing at this! Since everyone is now asking me what I’m doing now that Nysc is over, I think it’s time to apply for a job that I can do very well 😂 just wait for my CV

  7. Hehehe my goodness! I cant believe how similar Nigeria & Kenya is when it comes to Babalawos! Instead of people letting go of such superstitious things, they dive deep into it thinking it’s the only way of life. Suggesting a person needs psychiatric help is almost like an insult but I’m wondering if its an African thing or an All Black thing.
    Amazing post as always! I’ll be looking forward to your thought provoking poems & many more 🙂 *big hugs*

    1. Africans generally are superstitious. Not just Kenyans and Nigerians
      There is little we can do to change that. It’s really sad.
      Thanks for the feed back… Xx

  8. “You have STI, You go to church as if you remembered heaven when you were moaning down the city of Babylon”. this part got me laughing silly. You are one hilarious writer. Please, I would want to be an apprentice for your Babalawo business. I wouldn’t want to be left out of all the money u would be making.
    I remember mid this year I had issues so I decided to visit a physiatrics. Of course, I could tell any of my family I was going there because I didn’t want to be answering questions
    I clearly didn’t have answers to. They would immediately dramatize it and start panicking. Oh my people.. hehhehehhe. we have really got a long way to

  9. Lol…. Peace, right?
    I’m not based in the air shaa… I’m more of a professional spiritual swimmer. #OgbanjeThings 😂
    So, if you’re looking for someone with five years spiritual swimming experience, I’m your guy. 😂
    But seriously, yaff mad oh 😂

  10. beautiful write up…you never seize to amaze me. Someone once told me they study ‘babalawo-ism’ in university of ibadan under Yoruba but I don’t know what they call the course. Amazing write up😂😂😂 and expect my mail soon.

    1. It’s quite unfortunate no one told me about this 4years ago. I would have been a babalawo-ism final year student now.
      Lol.. I suppose you already have 5years flying experience..
      I’l be expecting it.. ❤

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