Am I the only one who cannot make pap? 

Brothers and sisters! Ever since I made pap for my family members on saturday, they haven’t said a word to me. I understand  the lumps inside the pap was big enough to clog up their esophagus. The lumps inside that pap was literally bigger than the akara balls we had bought to eat with it. 

That faithful Saturday, I had woken up hungry. This happens when i am offered food in my dream, and just when I have washed my hands to savour the first morsel of the delectable meal, my Sis knocks on my door saying it’s time for morning devotion. Worse part is, when she doesn’t get any sign that I am up from my bed and doing all the yawning and stretching, she starts to sing alarmingly. Her favorite song to sing in such situation is an igbo song which translates to:

Wake up from sleep, Jesus is calling you. Wake up from sleep, he is telling you to wake up! 

Because Jesus is reputedly calling me, I have to abandon the food in my dream and wake up empty bellied. When I think about my spiritual food and who might be eating it in place of me, I start getting angry. In a split second, my anger metamorphoses  to hunger & I start to vibrate. Let me add that when in vibration mode,   I don’t talk to anyone or pick calls b/cos I can swallow you & give you a million reasons why your harmless ‘good morning’ is very harmful to me!

You may be calling to tell me about the  fuel scarcity in your province and i’d be telling you how Bakassi boys killed one of my uncle’s in 1997 and how  i  feel he deserves it b/cos he never bought me anything, not even an okirika shoe pad. You may be calling to ask if I have so so person’s number and i’d be telling you how i wish I was born during that time there was a  wedding in Canaan b/cos I feel the attendees didn’t do enough justice to the jollof rice that was served since emphasis were only made on the water which later turned to wine. This is exactly how the chain goes. From interrupting my spiritual meal to me getting angry, and then physically hungry. Last Saturday was one of those days!

 After hours of chores that Saturday morning, I cooped up my sis and told her  I was really hungry. I tried to speak in hushed tones as i didn’t want her husband to eavesdrop. He had ealier said I ate all the food in the house, yet it wasn’t showing on my body. It really does hurt b/cos i now have to eat low key, when he’s not watching in order  to avoid his judgments.  So, let’s say we’re all seated in the parlour and a plate of Suya,goat meat, turkey is on the center table, I cannot go for it b/cos he’s there. I don’t want his subconscious saying ‘Yes… I knew it…i knew she would go for it.. Always eating up everything.. Lord have mercy! See how she’s tearing the turkey o.. Poor turkey! Yeah  there she goes again…she’s devouring the goat meat now.. eh eh eh… She’s on the suya now. It’s in her mouth..Gbam! She has swallowed it!  This girl is a lioness o! She doesn’t even chew before swallowing’,  and then, the  next morning, he’d look at me like ‘damn!  i knew she  wouldn’t add 1 flesh even after all that food. what a waste of food’! 

Anyways, my Sis looked into my eyes, saw i was genuinely hungry, then asked me to go make pap for everyone. Everyone’s pap is  that kinda pap you make in an oversized bowl. I hesitated and told her I couldn’t. I don’t like making pap as much as I love to drink it. It’s easier making pap for just myself bcos I can drink it anyhow, but making pap for everyone? It’s hard!  you cannot make pap if your emotions are not together. 

Following my refusal,  my Sis started preaching & Schooling me. She told me I would never  pass the wife material test if I cannot make perfect pap. I told her my future husby wouldn’t drink pap. She refused to listen to me.  She insisted I made it. she said I wouldn’t  be the one to change tradition  bcos according to her, the Israelites had drank pap on Saturday’s too. I was tired of arguing with her so I went into the kitchen, hence  the end result!

A family meeting will be held this weekend on the reason I cannot make pap at my age and secondly, why I had let my pap disability affect my sister’s children. It was alleged that since they drank the lumpy pap, they haven’t been able to poop. My mom already called to say how disappointed she was at me. All my generational uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces and aunts had texted to ask if the story was true. At this rate, I wouldn’t  be surprised if Amadioha  video calls me on the issue Cos I’m certain he already heard it.  What I don’t understand is the reason these people are making it a big deal or  am I the only person in this world who cannot make pap? 

PS: Happy Valentine’s Day in advance  to y’all. Let me be the first to say I love love you. ❤❤❤.. +if you haven’t subscribed/followed  this blog yet, pls do so. It enables you get a notification when I make a new post and saves me the stress of sending links across. Xx


47 Replies to “Am I the only one who cannot make pap? ”

  1. My own pap talent comes and goes is not a stable something and I can’t kill myself.I rather drink tea…first u have to be careful not to mix it with too much water…then u have to be careful and fast when turning so it doesn’t have lumps…its tiring!

  2. Work on your pap making skills, for real it’s the Final Yard remaining in that Wife material is really becoming…

    To think of it, I’d love to take This your pap tomorrow, to further compound my misery of never having a Val to share valentine’s day with.

    1. My problem with custard is mixing it. It’s hard to mix. As if the powder doesn’t want to be associated with water..
      When I started out, it used to be watery,but now… It’s always lumpy…
      Who wee marry me like this?

  3. I had to google what Pap was before reading the rest of your post. Hehe it looks good! I believe you can make it if you have the interest. At least you’re better off than those who have no clue at all, right? 🙂

  4. If you had added salt, maggi and pepper to the pap. That would have been colorful and would help in chewing the lumpy pap instead of drinking it. Keep it up my dear😁👻🙌 aferall ur hubby wont take pap, is he a kid that takez pap.

      1. Just saying ur hubby won’t take pap. Even if he ill take pap, love ill make him chew or swallow the lumps a d still thank you. 😁 lol.

  5. Lmaooo! I cant with this girl🙆‍♀️🙇‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

  6. I’m tired of you already, ahahahahaha. You always make my day with your incredible narratives.

    I used to not know ow to make pap before, but now, I can boast about it to an extent, lols.

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