My Valentine sour love story! 

Let me brief you guys. 

 So  2017, My admirers (toasters)  were predominantly mechanics, vulcanizers,  shoe makers and of course, professional  keke drivers. I remember ranting about it in a facebook post. Like the reality was, no matter how chic I looked and dressed, the first ‘Baby how far‘ I’d get would most definitely be  from a mechanic or a napep driver. Day to day, month to month I kept asking myself ‘what kind of life is this’? ‘Why am I not attracting uncle Range Rover and oga  Benz’?  

It was worse with the keke napep drivers. Those people loved me so much. Whenever i mistakingly shared the front seat  with them, They would go on & on  about how much they loved me. how if I married them, they would teach me how to ride keke, and how on our supposed wedding day, they would use their keke to convey me and my trains to church. One particular one who had flyover head even went as far as reciting poems  from songs of Solomon to me. he had insisted on following me home so he’d collect bride’s list from my family. 

While these kept occuring, I didn’t think there was a need to join mountain of fire ministry to reclaim my destiny from my village people.  I had thought it a mere coincidence till one of them cornered me one faithful day to tell me he got a revelation that I was his future wife. It was then&there i took the matter to God in prayer.

So on crossover night, i hit God up like; ‘Oluwa change my story! You cannot tell me this is my destiny!  Didn’t you say I should ask and il receive? Lord from day 1 i asked for Range Rover but i  kept seeing keke.  why? You said i will subdue the earth. How exactly do i subdue the earth inside a keke napep? Lord! bring Benz in 2018. Any daughter of amadiohia holding my Mr Benz …holy ghossstt firreee’!  

Prayer seemed answered. Everything was going great until 2days back-Valentine’s day.  I had dressed to go out, and got to the keke park to board.  Because the back seat already accommodated 3 passengers, I had to share seat with the driver in front. Brethren! before I could say praise the lord, this man told me he was seeing his future kids in my eyes.  

I was gon’ tightly fix on my earpiece to at least get some consolation from songs that would make me forget my reality, but that man kept talking and it’d be rude if I didn’t  pretend to listen right? 

As we plied, he introduced me to all the police men as his wife. He told the Agberos, I was his fiancee, and told his fellow  keke drivers to check me out. The passengers at the back kept cheering and congratulating me.  He told me he would dash me his keke. He  said I had to start learning how to drive(keke).  He told me he’d do anything for me and when he noticed my eyes were closing from his boring talks, he started singing a lullaby. I was gon’ get angry, but then I heard a voice say ‘Peace smile and blush. Today is your lucky day. you know you don’t have enough fare for this journey. play along. It’s  gon’ be  Free ride‘.

That was how i started blushing and laughing hysterically at his boring jokes. Thank goodness I didn’t fall off the keke courtesy of my uncultured laughter. Somehow, I was 100% certain he wouldn’t collect money from me. not after all that yellow light I gave. While he professed  love to me, I was spiritually inside the restaurant to buy jollof rice with the 200naira fare he wouldn’t collect from me. 

15mins later, we had gotten to the last b/stop. I came down, dusted my bum and dog walked. I was yet to cover  a sensible distance when the keke man barked from behind  ‘make una hold that girl.. That yellow girl wey wear sweater. Yes that yellow girl.. Hold am.. She never pay me my money’  All the  passersby simultaneously chorused ‘Auntie yellow, go and pay the keke driver his money’. 

I turned back to see the whole world staring at me. ‘The auntie that wants to abscond with a poor keke’s money’. I was baffled. What kinda man is he? Common 200naira? Could this really be love?

I walked back to him, and told him i  forgot. He said he was only collecting money from me b/cos  he was trying to save up to give us a brighter future . I scoffed. My subconscious already said ‘God punish you‘. I handed him 500naira note and he collected. After fervently searching his pocket, he told me he didn’t have change. I was waiting patiently to hear ‘oya take the money and go since there’s no change’, but to my greatest surprise, my supposed lover roamed round the market to look for that  change. Y’all know the most preposterous thing ever? he came back, handed me my 300naira change and said; ‘so mummy, when next are we going to see’?  

If there was anything I wished I had at that moment, it’d be an AK-47!

The rest of my day was spiced. I received a cake. It may not be a big deal, but for a cake addict like me, it meant a lot!

So people, that was how my 14th went!  how did you spend your Valentine? Indoors/out?

45 Replies to “My Valentine sour love story! ”

  1. Hahahaha, my valentine was fun, never have I loved this much in my life, Our president has given us all a reason to fall back to our true love… self. And I loved me so much, and yeah, I bought my mother a red purse, cos she made it possible for me to appreciate me. Wasn’t the best Val though but at least I didn’t think of fuel for one full day…

    1. Lol. It was absolutely a great val for u. Getting your mom a purse, what could be better than that? We should award our president for giving us more than enough reasons to fall back to true self love.

  2. This is quite simple, you needed a guy with Benz, Range or a ride let’s say, and you got one, Lol. Just believe, fast and pray for him. I am sure my God will get him a Rolls Royce.

    1. You know my problem with such men… When they now have all that money and Rolls Royce , they forget u started with them inside their one room and keke.. they may even wake up one morning to tell you they are in love with someone else.

  3. 14th was spent in my room and finally in Biochemistry laboratory….BCH QUIZ
    Very annoying….just like every normal day though.

  4. Who knows, God may have been answering your prayers. Those Keke riders n mechanics maybe future range Rover owners. It might Mean that it’s only when you come into their lives that their story would change. Here, someone hopped into a range rover on valentine and the next day the body was found hopped out without her private parts. Next time you pray, pray for a responsible man with range rover. Not just a range rover owner. My valentine was great, the ash Wednesday saved some money for me. Ladies be like “hey Austin, where re you come and take me out” and I will reply “I went for ash-Wednesday” while I was in my kitchen making a lumpy pap lol👻😁🐰🐇🍚🍚🍚🍳.

    1. Austine you made sense. I have heard of men who had break through when they got married.some women bring blessings to men.I have heard it several times though v only seen few cases.

      1. Say no more.. Only what Austine said about the girl that hopped in and was hopped out without her private parts is scary enough… Anyways I understand some good women are blessings to good men.
        Thx for all the comments

    2. LMAO… I guess most men used the ash Wednesday as an excuse not to take their gals out. I just didn’t know u would be part of them. Lol
      Austine Austine…..its bcoz of ppl like you that il learn how to make perfect pap and when I do, I will surely waybill it to you!!

  5. Funny read but I feel your pain.that your keke driver has guts…
    14 was a normal day for me.didn’t go anywhere.didn’t receive anything.

  6. I’m sorry but the part where the guy was reciting songs of Solomon just got me 😂. My valentine was very boring lemme tell you but looking at the bright side I dressed fine , took pictures, even posted them sef, and took myself out to buy food and tada…the best “falentine” ever!!

  7. 😂😂😂😂😂 Hilarious!
    The nerve!

    I’ve been in a similar situation… Only with a passenger. Other people in the vehicle asked him if he couldn’t pay for me and he said,
    ‘My own love no reach that side’
    Gosh. I was just like ‘It’s not as if I asked you before -_-‘

    1. And if you don’t want to mind him again at that point he’d be like ‘sister why are you naw frowning? Is it cos i Said i won’t pay for you?
      i really dunno what these people take us for.

  8. Girrrl!!!! Kwakwakwakwa 😂😂 That driver! I mean the nerve! May God bless you with a humble & rich man that will only have eyes for you & prove his love not only by words but by actions. Amin! ❤

  9. peace ooo 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂….at least you received cake…common lollipop sweet I did not get. I spent valentine at home sleeping

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