It is mind-boggling how fast this year ran. It’s like the Angels cannot wait for rapture to take place anymore, but dear lord pls be patient! I haven’t found my missing rib yet! And even when I find him and we get married, we’d need free 5years to which we’d dedicate to thorough bedmatics & unapologetic touch-body be4 we even start talking about making babies. So lord, with this 1 point of mine, I hope I have been able to convince you that Rapture shouldn’t take place anytime soon.
Anyways, I remember everything that happened in my last year Like it was yesterday. From writing my project to project defense to graduation to getting a job and starting this blog. 2017 was probably tough on its own but 2018 was apparently more challenging.
This year honestly didn’t start out well for me. I remember I was sad most of the time. Confused too. Depression hit me from late last year to early this year and I remember talking about it in my post I have found my calling where my doctor friend suggested I saw a psychiatrist as if I am mad.
For the most part of this year, I felt unfulfilled bcos as a child, everything I thought I’d have achieved at this age, I was yet to achieve. I felt I wasn’t doing enough. I wasn’t talented or lucky enough. I’d over think and would get angry at myself for a long time. I talked to few people about this and I’m pretty sure they were tired of the melancholic story of how I should have built a mansion somewhere in banana island by now. My mom was sick since the beginning of this year and Every time I saw her struggle to smile, I’d panic, “What if this woman dies before I give her the good life I promised her?”
Nothing seemed to work. I wasn’t writing as often as I ought. I wasn’t blogging. It wasn’t like the ideas didn’t stream but every time they did, I was too sad to open my WordPress app. Too defeated by the thought that no one would read the blog posts after all or too busy washing dishes and cleaning the house. I drastically fell out of love with my job & my work place became more uncomfortable by the day. And Then, even the relationship I thought I had? it crashed too!
Eventually, I managed to find myself amidst the self-struggle after I determined to live every moment of my life like I had nothing else to lose.
8 Lessons 2018 Taught me.
- Life is hard: Forget what they tell you or the fantasy you are living in;life is hard. Nothing good comes easy. You have to work your ass off to get anything done. There’s no free lunch anywhere & the max anyone can do for you is “teach” you how to fish. Until I started taking responsibilities for myself, I thought life was bread and butter with a cup of chilled zobo juice. I thought I could just wake up one auspicious morning and boom! There’s a Cheque of 1billion dols & a Benz parked outside in my name with 2 hot bodyguards. At age 10, i wrote my dreams down. I remember writing that by the time I turned 15, I’d own 3 estates. How unrealistic! It is however funny that I am in my twenties now and cannot afford a room in a local hotel not to talk of owning estates. Life is tough so we better prepare ourselves to be tougher.
- Stop expecting things from people: I figured the reason I got all the sadness I couldn’t fathom in 2018 was becos I expected so much from so many people. I expected this person was gon’ give me a job bcos he promised. I expected that person would help me achieve this. I expected my family would help me do this.I expected that person to always be there for me. I expected this person to treat me this particular way. My God!! we have to learn to cut down our levels of expectations from people. I think It is better to be surprised than be disappointed. Do not raise your hopes high based on promises or your own expectations. I was wrong to have expected so much from people which was the principal reason for my sadness bcos in the end, I was the one crestfallen.
- Your happiness should not be dependent on anyone or anything but yourself: Your happiness should not be dependent on your job. It should not be tied to that your new car or new wig. Neither your new shoe nor new house. Your happiness should not be tied to a position. Your happiness should not be tied to that man or woman you are in a relationship with. Have you considered what happens when any of these leaves you? Your happiness leaves too right? 2018 taught me to own my happiness. I was guilty of always making my happiness depend on a particular person or thing. I would be happy once I was having it and whilst it was still mine and when it was no longer available, I felt entirely sad and empty. Be happy for you. For yourself. For who you are. The mere thought of you should keep you happy. The rest things can add to your happiness but pls, do not make your happiness solely revolve around something that is most probably temporary.
- Strangers will support you more than friends: Before I started my blog, I wrote on Facebook pages, Facebook groups, magazines. I entered lots of flash fiction competitions both internationally. I entered the etisalat prize for flash fiction in 2016 where the story with the highest vote won. i remember how much I begged friends and friend’s friends to vote me. Some said they didn’t have enough data to vote. Some totally ignored the links and my plea for votes. Some just said stuff like, “wow babe. I wish you goodluck”or “babe I’m so happy for you”. What exactly was I doing with your wishes when all I needed was your vote?Meanwhile, random strangers on Facebook clicked the link, read the stories, voted, shared on their wall and gave feedback on the stories (3 stories). As expected,I didn’t make it to the 2nd stage cos while others were having about 3,000 votes, I was struggling with 10 (the competition was later cancelled for that year though). Fast forward to when I started my blog, Telling my friends to read my own work was as if I told them to carry logs of wood from onitsha to seme border. I’d send links & Some would even claim they didn’t see it. It should hurt but it doesn’t bcos honestly, you are basically the only person who wants you to be as successful as you want to be. No one wants you to be more successful than them. Just a few people can be that selfless so Don’t get disappointed when your supposed friends are not supporting you as they ought. They will celebrate you much later but not now.
- This too shall pass: Have you ever being in a situation & you tell yourself you are not sure you’d ever get passed that phase? Well, look! where are you now? I have been in situations i thought would be the end of me. From being broke to not being able to pay my fees in school to being left heartbroken to being scammed out of my 50k. Initially, the pain is always so severe and you feel like you’d dwell in it forever but unknown to you, every tick that tocks relieves you Of that pain. I have being in situations I didn’t even know how I came out from and it has thought me one thing for sure; the pain is never permanent. No matter how insurmountable the situation is, it will surely pass!
- Take it One step at a time: Most times i forgot life is gradual. That things will happen when it’s the right time for them to happen. I was always in a haste. I wanted to quickly do this or start this thing up or jump over something and then when it doesn’t seem to work, I get frustrated not realizing that maybe, it wasn’t the time or I haven’t learned the sub processes enough. Life is gradual. We just have to learn to crawl before we run. Everything is achievable but not at once. You want to be the next Linda ikeji? start with a step. Don’t just wake up one morning and tell all your family members to start calling you Dr. Linda Ikeji.
- Stop comparing your life to others: Comparing myself with other people was one of my greatest weaknesses.i always compared my life to others -my friends who were seemingly doing better than me bcos of their designer clothes, wigs and new phones. I have never wished anyone bad but I always wondered why that person was doing better & why I wasn’t as lucky. Subsequently, I’d start feeling useless and cursed and sometimes judged God for being so unfair. 2018 taught me to stop comparing. Everyone is different! It’s a different journey for everyone and you never really know what the other person’s journey is all about. I became happier once I stopped comparing and lived my own life. Comparison they say, is the thief of joy!
- There’s a God: hehe pastor peace with the microphone…Believe it or not, there’s a God. He knows everything and sees everything. Every time I almost met with accidents on my way to & from work, every time I see how he was miraculously healing my mom, every time he mends my broken heart & takes me from a sad place to a happy place,I am reminded that there’s a God. A great one. Though I judged him a lot this year for being a partial God, I sat back and realized he was and is always working in my favor 🙏
Having read my 2018 lessons, I am curious. What lesson did 2018 teach you??
EARLIEST HAPPY NEW YEAR lOVERS!!! 💃🏻 🎊 🎉 I WISH US THE BEST OF IT!